Wednesday, January 25, 2012

overture to blog in b flat






This isn't what you think.

This isn't about getting to heaven. It was never about getting to heaven. This is about why I can't sleep at night.

This is about dish soap and dust mites and ceiling fans and thumb tacks. This is about the oven opening, and bread. This is about cereal for breakfast, and this is about cereal for lunch. This is about the sound of a siren passing your house: "Probably nothing".

This isn't about me. It was never about me. You know who I'm talking about and it's probably you.

But I want you to know something about me: I'm invincible. I'm also breakable. I'm passive aggressive and ungrateful and blasphemous. One day I woke up in the morning and the whole solar system had fallen at my feet.

I am a vice, not a virtue. I've been trying to prove myself for seventeen years but I've forgotten who I'm supposed to be proving myself to.

Here's a confession: I didn't apologize when I ended the world. 

I didn't pull the scabs off to let it heal: I pulled the scabs off to let it bleed out. Here's the truth, finally: the only thing I do better than whispering is shouting.

I won the sun in the lottery but I didn't want it because nothing is ever good enough for me.

Be gentle around me because God took me off the grill while I was still rare and bloody. I bruise very easily. I fall in love very easily. Same thing.

I just want you to know that there's no going back now. We're in this mess together; if the ship goes down, so do we. I don't want you to cut ties with me, I just want a hair trim. I don't want you to go back indoors, I just want you to wear sunscreen. Be prepared for me, but don't leave me.

Because if I go to Hell for this blog, I'm taking you with me.








This has been The Devastation Diaries.







  







16 comments:

  1. (Sigh)

    They ain't ready for you.

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  2. I love this more than anything. That's all.

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  3. deep.... im mind boggled. awesome intro... ill def be reading more.

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  4. I love this blog. Not everyone has a dark side they're willing to show so please keep these posts going

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  5. i got chills reading this. i guess you could say it's "deep" but i just think it's real.

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  6. You make me frightened. You're not my friend. I'm going to see Lucius.

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  7. I really want to shake your hand right now. And probably give you a hug afterwards. Let's go to Hell together my friend.

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  8. Nelsons wrong...we're ready and waiting. I'm captivated, don't stop.

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  9. "I am a vice, not a virtue. I've been trying to prove myself for seventeen years but I've forgotten who I'm supposed to be proving myself to."
    story of my life! *snap

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  10. Love it! Could not be more amazing. It makes you think, its dark yet honest. Beautiful.

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  11. chills, because my heart recognizes these things. ah. I cannot handle how good it is.

    "I didn't pull the scabs off to let it heal: I pulled the scabs off to let it bleed out."

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  12. I can't even comment This is just ....

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  13. okay....I don't even know who you are. but I worship you and your writing. I hope I can write something this good someday. this is dark and deep and so so real. amen to everything you said...

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  14. "Here's a confession: I didn't apologize when I ended the world. " like rly wtf i want to kiss it

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  15. idk who you are but i am amazed. i wish i could write like this.

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